Romantic Jealousy
What to Do About Romantic Jealousy
When love goes sour and one person moves on, the whole incident may result in romantic jealousy. A common situation that may affect any person, jealousy turns a difficult situation into something that can be almost dangerous.
Psychologists define romantic jealousy as an extreme emotion that may cause a person to loose control. The jilted lover might feel like they have gone “mad” or can’t understand why they’re acting a certain way. Often they have no issues with their behavior until they encounter their ex or the one they are suspicious of.
People who experience jealousy often describe the pain that they are going through. It may be the confusion, the rush of adrenaline, the fear or reminder of their own loss, but those who are jealous are suffering themselves.
Many men and women who experience romantic jealousy fantasize about acting on their feelings. Even those who don’t lash out at their ex or the new love interest likely spend time dreaming about or wishing they would. Some claim that the fantasies help them to deal with their emotions. But are those fantasies damaging to their emotions and preventing them from moving on?
Say that your partner has had an affair. You’re hurt and you’re angry. It’s important to decipher whether any jealousy you feel is considered normal or whether you’re heading into the realm of delusional romantic jealousy.
Normal jealousy is generally logical and rooted in a real threat. If you are jealous because you don’t feel secure with your partner (whether by their actions or not), then it is likely still considered normal.
If the romantic jealousy that you feel swells or continues long after the situation has been righted or the moment passed, then you’re headed towards delusional jealousy. When you can’t control your temper in public situations and you lash out physically or verbally, you’re most certainly experiencing delusional jealousy.
What can you do about it?
Examine the real reason you are jealous. Has your pride been hurt by an affair? Are you feeling rejected? Does it hurt you to see your ex happy with another when you still upset about being apart? Focus on what’s going on inside you to stir up the feelings of jealousy.
Watch for the signs of delusional jealousy. Be ready to recognize when you’ve gone over the line or lost control. Prepare to remove yourself from a situation or location if necessary. Have a trusted friend involved to keep you accountable. If you’re still in the relationship and experiencing romantic jealousy because of infidelity or accusations of infidelity, keep the lines of communication open between you two.
Own up to the fact that your reaction to your partner or ex may be more about you than them. Often people who experience a childhood trauma (like divorce for example) may overreact to a situation based on their suppressed feelings. If you’re highly suspicious of your spouse with little reason, examine whether you have dealt with certain situations in your past completely. You could be taking your anger out on the wrong person (and falsely accusing them in the meantime).
Sometimes a person with extreme romantic jealousy may have boundary or possession issues. They feel that their partner belongs to them instead of simply accepting their loyalty and commitment. They protect the boundary around their love interests (past and/or present) with zeal. A correction in their perception may help to extinguish the jealous feelings.
Romantic jealousy can be a stepping stone to growth – if the person is willing to work through the root causes, maintain control and dig deep into themselves. Whether the relationship is saved or not, someone experiencing jealousy can become a better person with some raw work.